I’ve never been one to vocalize my battle with depression. I didn’t think it was something anyone wanted to know about, so I chose to hide it from everyone I knew. That, of course, meant making stories about my whereabouts during psychiatrist appointments and excuses why I didn’t feel like leaving the house. In my mind, it was less embarrassing to deal with my problem in private.
That was, until I began this writing journey.
When I made the decision to blog about my novel writing journey, I thought I could avoid talking about my depression. However, depression is a part of my life and can affect my writing process. In fact, it has done so over the past two weeks. So rather than go silent, I’ve decided to write a two-part post about it.
I had spent the majority of 2016 battling depression. It made it impossible to do anything with my life – including going out, focusing on work, and interacting with others. I’ve battled depression my entire life, but the most recent one was the worst. My entire life seemed to be passing by and I was helpless to do anything about it.
By the end of the 2016, I found myself in an unfortunate situation. In all fairness, I placed myself in the situation because I lacked confidence to find anything better. Though not good, it did provide a reality check at what my life had become. That was when I decided to take control of my life. I spent weeks developing a “life plan”, which included becoming an author.
There’s no switch that magically turns depression off.
After the New Year, I put my plan into action. During the first few weeks, I found it very difficult to get motivated again. I struggled to get myself back into living life and writing. I began by walking every day and working out a few mornings a week. Then I went out and took day trips to museums, libraries and historic spots.
My laptop and notebook were brought everywhere and, as a result, I found myself writing or taking down ideas. In February, I finally found the courage go through my novel and organized it for the Novel Journey. I created a writing schedule and routine, which seemed to work well for me. Before I knew it, February came around and I was fully engulfed in writing and preparing to launch my blog.
I noticed my energy and motivation returning. It was refreshing to feel like my old self, even just a little.